Lesbian Bed Death

The title fucking says it all.

I got cut off

Before I was finished with my last blog post, Journee woke up as always! So far I have lost 13 lbs!! That's a lot! I'm sure the rest of it won't come off that fast but its a good start for sure. I think my belly feels a bit smaller!

I had a really hard time today. My mom baked so many yummy cookies and kept trying to make me eat them! OMG totally fucking torture! She just doesn't understand the whole healthy lifestyle thing and probably never will. She is where I got my bad eating habits in the first place! But she is thin, has always been thin and will always be thin no matter what she eats. Its just her metabolism! I was not blessed with that gene unfortunately, but I am trying to make the best of it!

Elijah stayed home from school today and we did the first of the treatments which was an enema. He did so good and a lot of feces did come out. Tomorrow he gets suppositories...UGH

Can you believe the principal called and offered to come PICK HIM UP and bring him to school today? So Elijah could SEE what he would be missing out on by misbehaving. It was just weird!!

I am on the verge of having a breakdown, I can always feel it coming on and I am so not looking forward to the kids being on break for two weeks. Sigh. The new theater near us is having free movies every day of vacation though and that is exciting! It starts with A Nativity Story on Saturday so we will probably take the older kids to see that one.

Sometimes I feel bad for not raising my kids with any particular religion or talking to them about God much. Or showing them how to pray, but my hard is just not in it anymore and I feel like they would feel my insincerity if I attempted to teach them about it. So I am hoping that by going to see A Nativity Story they can see the story of Christmas as a wonderful story and the reason most people celebrate Christmas. I don't know sometimes I wonder if my kids are suffering from not having a "faith" I know I really enjoyed believing as a child just like I believed in Santa Claus. I prayed every night and continued to pray up until my early 20's! Then it all just kinda drained out of me after getting pregnant with Journee.

Its not that I don't believe in God, its that I don't believe in Religion where you have to do a million things, to be "saved" and all that damnation and hell fire and brimstone stuff just seems so ugly to me.

Anyway, I have a headache so I am going to log off now...

Rough Day, Good Results!

I had a really rough today today. I took a nap and slept too long and felt like I slept my day away. Elijah had a really really bad day at school and the school called and I have to go in for another meeting tomorrow. He spent the whole evening in his room tonight.

I am dreading the school meeting, I just don't know what to tell them, I have no idea why my son is acting this way! It just blows my mind the things he does and says there. It hurts me too :(. I'm embarrassed for him and for myself. How can such a smart happy little boy turn into this miserable child that can't behave in school and disrupts the whole class? Sigh.

Other than that I am struggling with keeping the house clean, and the laundry done. It's just never ever ending! I am going to ask my mom to come over and help me tomorrow, I hope she will!

I have been craving bad foods all day today. CHINESE . It sounds SO good. I cant wait until Saturday so I can have some! Chocolate! Part of me wants to think what is life without the enjoyment of chocolate? I know I could have a small piece or something but when I am in this kind of mood once I get going I would eat a whole package!

Another good day!

I exercised for 30 minutes today! Yay me!!! I did good eating wise too, still need to get that protein up there and probably less wine LOL. Heres a link to what I ate today.
I stayed within my calorie limits, and the bagel I had for a snack was SOOO good!

Other than my new healthy lifestyle stuff.... Today was a pretty good day, Elijah said he felt sick this morning so I let him stay home from school, mainly just to give us both a break from it because I knew he wasn't really sick. I am calling mayo tomorrow to get a second option on the encopresis thing, because I really don't think its that, and I trust my mommy intuition way more than I trust that lame doctor! I just want to get his problems figured out so that he can be happy and healthy and can behave in school! Even Isaiah didn't have these problems in first grade. :(

We got the alternator put in the car, Jolene tried to do it on her own but eventually called Tim to help her. She is so awesome at fixing things, I wouldn't have even tried on my own lol. So thats taken care of, it sucked up all our money though, so we are totally broke again for now.

I didn't nap today so I am making headway on changing my schedule around, I always get really tired in the afternoon and want to nap like crazy but today I just made myself a cup of earl grey and got through it. I feel really awake and energetic now of course. I wish I was born an early bird and not a night owl! I just love the peace and quiet at night, I hate to go to bed and leave it behind for a hectic morning.

So tomorrow I hope to have another good day, I want to get the other half of the basement organzied and set up as a play room and get some laundry done. I would also like to go through the huge pile of papers on top of the mircowave shelf and clean it off. Wish me luck :) LOL

A new week!

So today was a good day for me, I woke up late since my mom was here and I got to sleep in! But I made myself eat a good breakfast and made a really yummy dinner. I even did a dance exercise DVD

It was really really tough, and I was sweating like a pig lol, but it sure felt good!

This was the one I did, Jolene got it for me on clearance at Walmart.



I started off just doing the first 10 minute set, and Jolene did that one with me, but the moves are really fast paced and hard to pick up so quickly, but I think we did a good job! Then I tried to talk her into doing another set with me and she said I should do it and she would just watch haha. So I did the major fat burning one and only made it another 5 minutes it was so fast going. I did realize that I need to find a really good sports bra, because my boobs are a huge hindrance to my movement, it sucks lol. I can't wait until I get thin and they shrink back to pancakes again! :P

So my goals for this week, eat right and stay within my calorie range on spark people. Eat more protien and more veggies and fruit. Exercize!! Call my doctor to ask about that new stop smoking pill. Go to bed at decent hour. Remember to take my Prozac and my vitamins daily!

I want a real blog...

I decided to make a blog separate from my myspace blog. :) I just feel like its something I want to do, because after reading other peoples blogs on here it seems like such a neat thing to be able to go back and remember from your writings on here. I've had lots of blogs. I never seem to continue them but I think now I will, as I am in a different space in my life, more settled and happy. Yet I am still stressed to the max but in different ways than in my previous life. I wish I could find my blog I had on here from a couple years ago because it has some really awesome poetry I wrote in a time of great turmoil in my life, during the time right before I separated from Tim. I am going to go try to look it up!